missing
Tonight, I am missing my mom (1959-2020) and the way my siblings, Dad, and I used to be together. I'm missing my friends in Taiwan, Thailand, and Myanmar. I'm missing my Aunt Sally, who passed away on November 22. I'm missing friends from Fallbrook CA, and friends from churches in the Portland area that I used to know -- Evergreen Christian, Household of Faith, Grace and Glory.
thankful
I'm thankful that one of my mom's Fallbrook friends texted me back right away when I reached out a couple weeks ago. I'm thankful that I could reunite with old church friends at a wedding and an international student gathering last weekend. I'm thankful that my Grammy is still around and picked up the phone when I called her tonight. I'm thankful that my roommate asks me how I'm doing -- and wants to hear more when I say I'm feeling nostalgic. I'm thankful for friends to eat dinner with three nights this week, for a positive connection when delivering Angel Tree gifts, for students who brought me snacks from their son's wedding in India, and for workmates to laugh with and commiserate with. The road goes up and down, but we are on our way.
psalms
This morning, I did a search of the sermons at my church that were based on the Psalms. There were 23 sermons on Psalms preached between 2017 and 2022, and none in 2023 or 2024, although I do recall one based on repentance in Joshua 7 that also mentioned Psalm 51. (We went through a long sermon series on the Torah, the Sermon on the Mount, and now Joshua in 2023 and 2024, which explains the lack of psalms recently.)
Of these 23, six sermons, or 26%, were on psalms of lament. (25-44% of all the Psalms are laments, including repentance and imprecation, according to Laurie Krieg and Matt Krieg, Journey Well, page 72.) The lament psalms preached on included Psalms 42 "As a deer pants", 64 "Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint", and 77 "I cry aloud to God", which are personal laments, and Psalms 51 "Have mercy on me" (twice) and 130 "Out of the depths I cry to you", which are repentant laments, according to the classification in Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, page 201.
Psalms preached on multiple times were Psalm 1 "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked" (2x), Psalm 19 "The heavens declare the glory of God" (3x), Psalm 51 "Have mercy on me" (2x), and Psalm 84 "How lovely is your dwelling place" (2x). Why do you think these ones were so popular? I think because they focus on living a flourishing life by listening to God's word (Psalms 1 and 19), repenting for personal sin along with King David (Psalm 51), and marveling at being in God's house (Psalm 84). The Bible, repentance, and corporate worship are familiar territory, and since we often don't practice what we preach even in these areas, it is worth preaching on them again.
public grief
And yet, since I'm in a nostalgic mood, I was thinking too about how churches struggle to process grief in public. Why don't we sing and preach on more of the hard psalms? The ones expressing anger, sadness, and need?
We have GriefShare (which I should probably go to) and men's recovery groups and midweek prayer groups, including praying through the psalms, which I think are very much needed spaces and practices. And grief and lament and injustice come up from time to time in a larger corporate setting, even in sermons not on the psalms, such as the one this week on Ezekiel 34:11-31 on longing for the Good Shepherd during Advent season. We sang "O come, O come, Emmanuel", this week, which is very much a song of longing, both in the words and in the musical setting. And back before Easter at the Good Friday service, we had a prolonged meditation on the darkness that Jesus faced on the way to the cross.
In general, though, maybe we think we aren't ready yet to show our true feelings amongst a larger group.
how long till is it well?
Remember Horatio Spafford's song "It is well"? Its serene words of confident trust in God after losing his son, his business holdings, and his four daughters, came after a long time of wrestling with his thoughts. And even after penning the song, he walked a long, strange journey that included leading an apocalyptic cult and establishing an American colony in Jerusalem. Despite its aura as a song for sufferers, the only hints of complaint in the song are "when sorrows like sea billows roll" -- but these are echoed and compounded by the highs and lows of the chorus, reminiscent of Mendelssohn's "Fingal's Cave" with the waves of sound crashing against the rocks. Even when we don't voice them, the sorrows still roll. And the words "thou hast taught me" take a lifetime to realize.
crashing an AA meeting
Last Sunday morning I attended an AA meeting by mistake -- Google Maps said it was "Living Word Baptist Church", but it turned out to be "Sunday Solutions AA" at the Salmon Creek Grange. The woman who spoke first said she had been sweating bullets the night before thinking of what to say -- and yet the story she shared of her worst moments and how God met her there and brought her to where she is now was just what I needed to hear. Those 34 individuals at the Grange knew the peculiar joy that comes through participating in suffering together.
five seconds
A friend told me recently about Mel Robbins's "Five Second Rule" -- count to five and start moving your body toward the thing you know you need to do before you finish saying "five". Your present self will follow and your future self will thank you.
an invitation to lament
If you would like to try, and you live in the Portland area, consider joining me at Imago Dei Central City on Sunday, Dec 15, 6-7pm -- they will be having a lament worship night. Details at the following link: https://imagodeicentralcity.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/2572688
another song
Besides "It is well" and "Fingal's Cave", I recommend listening to Carrie Newcomer's song "Holy as a day is spent". I like it so well I've put it as my "go to bed" alarm song -- which I've sadly blown through tonight. Try these lyrics on...
And frying eggs sound like psalms
With bits of salt measured in my palm
It's all a part of a sacrament
As holy as a day is spent
...
Unknowingly we slow our pace
In the shade of unexpected grace
And with grateful smiles and sad lament
As holy as a day is spent
...
And morning light sings "providence"
As holy as a day is spent
