In the following letters to a deacon, 6th century spiritual director Barsanuphius of Gaza uses a sanctified imagination to show how to visualize God's presence and repent while serving communion.
Letter 241
Question from the same person [a brother monk] to the same Great Old Man [Barsanuphius]: "Father, since your holiness ordered me to serve at liturgy, declare to me, I implore you, what I should be pondering or meditating as I stand before the altar with the priest, or when I am cutting up the holy bread or offering people to drink of the holy blood, or again when I am carrying Communion and taking it to someone. And should I have a special vestment for liturgical use or a covering for my legs?"
Response by Barsanuphius.
Brother, all of this is a spiritual allegory, but you understand it literally. The deacon serves like the Cherubim, and ought to be all eye, all intellect, with his intellect and thought looking upward, with fear, trembling, and doxology. For he bears the body and blood of the immortal King. He even assumes the face of the Seraphim in proclaiming the doxology and in fanning the hidden mysteries as with their holy wings, recalling through these wings the levitation from this earth and from things material, while crying out ceaselessly with his intellect in the temple of the inner self the victory hymn of the magnificent glory of our God: "Holy, holy, holy, Lord of Sabaoth; heaven and earth are full of your glory." And from the dreadful and fearful voice of this proclamation, the devil falls away trembling from the captive soul, and the demons are made to flee in confusion and shame, leaving it free from their slavery.
So now the soul recognizes that the true light has dawned upon it; and, focusing its attention, it sees the beauty of the immortal Lamb and seeks to be filled with his body and blood. Then, it hears the loud voice of David crying out and saying: "Taste and see that the Lord is good." And approaching with fear, it becomes a partaker of his body and blood, and this taste becomes indelible in the soul, protecting it from every passion. "Devote yourself to these things," whether you are standing before the holy mysteries, or else dividing or distributing the drink, or while carrying Communion to someone or gathering up the holy things, and generally in every service that you perform at the altar.
As for your vestment, acquire a spiritual cloak in which God is well pleased. The covering for your legs signifies mortification of the members. Tell me, brother, if a person wears a purple, fully silken robe and yet is a fornicator, does the clothing purify that person from fornication or from the other passions? What then shall they do who are worthy of the holy mysteries but who lack garments? The Lord ordered us to have one garment, and that is the garment of virtues, of which may God make all of us worthy to the ages. Amen.
Letter 242
Question by the same person to the same Great Old Man: "Master, forgive me, and pray for me for the sake of the Lord, that my senses may be sanctified. And although your holiness said that the deacon ought to be like the Cherubim and the Seraphim, yet I am polluted in the senses. What, then, shall I do in order that my ministry as a deacon may not be to my condemnation? For I am wretched and cannot control myself. For God's sake, help me so that I may not lose my soul in every way."
Response.
Do your best always to remember this image of how the deacon ought to be and of how you actually are, remembering death and how you are going to encounter God. And in continually condemning yourself, your heart feels compunction in order to receive repentance. For he who said by the prophet: "First confess your sins, so that you may be justified," this same one justifies you and renders you innocent of every condemnation. Indeed, it is said: "It is God who justifies; who is it then that will condemn you?" So, as I have on other occasions stated to you, acquire humility, obedience, and submission, and you shall be saved. And do not argue at all, saying: "Why this, or why that?" but become obedient, especially to your abbot, who, after God, cares for you and has been entrusted with your soul. And if you have the zeal to keep these things, then I shall do abundantly more than I possibly can, so that God may grant you the strength to make this possible. The Lord shall keep you and protect you from the evil one. Amen.
(Source: John Chryssavgis (tr.), Barsanuphius and John Letters, Volume I, pp.247-249. Washington, DC: Catholic University of America Press, 2006.)
