A gentler Lewis

Even CS Lewis got tired of the fighting words and culture wars of his day. He wrote The Abolition of Man in 1943, lambasting secularists as "men without chests"; he followed with the dystopian novel That Hideous Strength in 1945; but by 1953, as Peter Brown recalls, Lewis looked uncomfortable in his own debating club because of the "directness of argument that bordered on rudeness--even browbeating" that was popular among young men at Oxford at the time. Brown saw Lewis as "a subdued figure, sitting low and long in an armchair, by no means the center of attention" and "ill at ease". Brown sensed that Lewis "was caught in his own reputation." Much happier was his glimpse of Lewis exuberantly expounding Milton in a majestic lecture room. He had a peace and confidence about him as a Christian apologist that was nourished by late-night talks with old friends and visits to the countryside. See Peter Brown's memoir Journeys of the Mind chapter 26.

Thoughts on family

 Here's the latest in my reading on cross-cultural psychology in an attempt to complexify the pop-psychology understanding of boundaries and separation-individuation:

According to Turkish psychologist Cigdem Kagitcibasi, it is possible for a family to be close and interdependent and still give their children autonomy and individual responsibility. It's also possible for parents to exercise both a high level of control and a high level of warmth (closeness), as long as the control has a positive meaning in the understanding of the child, and especially if this fits with the surrounding culture. American culture in the 20th century emphasized individualism (high autonomy, low connectedness), and psychology mistakenly took this as normative and healthy; many cultures in the Majority World were traditionally low autonomy, high connectedness. With families from these traditional cultures moving to the cities now, they are becoming more high autonomy, high connectedness, which Kagitcibasi says is a healthy target.

All this reminds me very much of grid-group analysis in Doug Fraser's cultural anthropology class.

I want to hold onto Kagitcibasi's idea that autonomy and closeness are both in-born human needs. Kagitcibasi does us a service in framing these as two different axes on the same plane rather than as two opposite points on the same axis. That we can have both if we do it right.

I also want to complexify the developmental perspective. Henry Cloud and John Townsend say in their book Boundaries that certain aspects of the soul may have been damaged or underdeveloped in childhood, and that they can be developed later in life in safe community. I would add to this a perspective championed by Laurie and Matt Krieg that lists a number of core needs (e.g. to be seen, to be known, to matter to someone) which we are created with, which are sometimes unmet in childhood, and crucially, which are designed for God to fill primarily, and thence indirectly to be filled by others in community. So it's not quite a matter of needing to develop boundaries to keep God and others at arms-length until one feels safe, but rather getting close to God (including through lament) and then becoming safe enough to let others come close too.

Finally, I think social and cultural change has affected not only the Majority World but also the US. Thus, in a family like mine that continued my grandparents' generation's parenting methods in some ways, and in other ways followed certain psychologically- and historically-informed neotraditional reactionary movements (e.g. literature by Mennonites, Bill Gothard, James Dobson, and the patriarchal homeschooling and home-business movement etc.), what we got was moderate to high closeness, high control, and also opportunities for high autonomy and personal responsibility. And yet as the surrounding culture shifted and called for less control, and my parents had less energy, I think there developed more tensions that were difficult to resolve because there was less energy and flexibility to maintain the family system and because certain existing practices took on different meanings when compared with the changing cultural context.

This makes me want to look more tolerantly on my parents' choices, as examples of burdened agency imperfectly working toward an ideal.

I also would like to add some sort of goal of maturity to this discussion of family systems. It's not enough to want your children to grow up to be autonomous, interdependent agents. This has to be a mediate goal on the way toward virtue. I don't mean Gothard's list of 49 character qualities; I feel that's too complicated and focused more on numerology than coherence. To be honest, I don't have a list yet. But I'd like go back in history and look more toward the mystical moral development program of Evagrius Ponticus and John Cassian (and earlier the Apostle Paul), with their idea of shedding the old self with its troublesome passions, proceeding toward singleness of heart and charity, and putting on a new self with new practices that lead to patience, a moderate selflessness, and clearer and more personal knowledge of God and others.

Another group of psychologists who would agree with Kagitcibasi are Ashley Barrrera, Markie Blumer, and Shayna Soenksen. In a 2011 article, they stress the importance of careful listening on the part of the counselor to find out the cultural background, family context and specific story of each individual they counsel, so they don't make hasty generalizations based on binary values like enmeshed vs individuated families. Even kids from enmeshed families can turn out well, depending on the meaning they place on their relationships and how they grow from them.

Last week I watched the film Ragamuffin (2014), depicting the life of musician Rich Mullins, especially in his tense relationship with his dad. A motif was a swinging lighbulb in the dark, from a memory of how as a young boy helping his dad fix a tractor, he hadn't held the light still and his dad had berated him. It was only after a retreat with a mentor, Brennan Manning, where he got alone and poured out his heart in lament to God, and then wrote a letter as from his then-deceased father to him, that he was able to reconcile the memories and remember how his father apologized afterward for his outburst and reaffirmed his affection for him. Somehow the processing of the overwhelming feelings unlocked the more complex memories and enabled him to re-evaluate his dad in a more balanced way, regain God as his true father, and recapture his love for his earthly father, leaving aside the unmet expectations on both sides. I have hopes to, slowly, over time, continue to do the same.

Recommended reading:
William Harmless. 2004. Desert Christians: an introduction to the literature of early monasticism. Oxford Univ. Press.
Cigdem Kagitcibasi. 2005. Autonomy and relatedness in cultural context: implications for self and family. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology. Vol. 36, No. 4, July 2005, pp.403-422. https://local.psy.miami.edu/faculty/dmessinger/c_c/rsrcs/rdgs/peers_social_general/Kagitcibasi_2005.pdf
Grid-group cultural theory. https://changingminds.org/explanations/culture/grid-group_culture.htm

Ashley Barrerra, Markie Blumer, and Shayna Soenksen. 2011. Revisiting adolescent Separation-Individuation in the contexts of enmeshment and allocentrism. The New School Psychology Bulletin 2011, Vol. 8, No. 2, pp.70-82.

Evagrius on persevering with persistent thoughts

 I have had a persistent fascination with Evagrius of Pontus, ever since I read about him in John Mark Comer's book Live No Lies. His notebook entitled Antirrhetikos or Talking Back (translated by David Brakke, 2009) is a long list of specific tempting thoughts classified under eight headings, with each thought countered by a verse from Scripture. 

Here are three of my favorites, creatively addressing the feelings of impatience, laziness, and loneliness that try to make me think of giving up the fight:

Against the thought that supposes that in a single hour the evil thoughts of fornication will flee from it:

'I will not cast them out in a year, lest the land become desolate and the beast of the land multiply against you. Gradually I will cast them out from before you, until you have increased and will inherit the land' (Exodus 23:29-30).

Against the intellect that is contending with thoughts of fornication, but does not want to shake them off of it completely and does not recognize the fetter of sin and the anxiety of evils:

'And Delilah said, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” And he woke up from his sleep and said, “I will go out just like every other time, and I will shake them off.” And he did not know that the Lord had departed from him. And the Philistines seized him, cut out his eyes, brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he ground at the mill in the prison house' (Judges 16:20-21).

Against the soul’s thought that succumbs to distress and sadness and supposes that it is the only one that is tempted so severely:

'Discipline yourselves, keep watch. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith, for you know that your brothers in all the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering' (1 Peter 5:8-9).

As Evagrius says in Praktikos 6, "There are eight general and basic categories of thoughts in which are included every thought. First is that of gluttony, then impurity, avarice, sadness, anger, acedia, vainglory, and last of all, pride. It is not in our power to determine whether we are disturbed by these thoughts, but it is up to us to decide if they are to linger within us or not and whether or not they are to stir up our passions." 

Surfing the urge

G. Alan Marlatt and Jean L. Kristeller. 1999. Mindfulness and meditation. In William R. Miller (ed.), Integrating spirituality into treatment: Resources for practitioners, 67-84, at 78-79. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.

As an example of ... insight meditation procedure, Marlatt (1994) developed the technique of "urge surfing" in the treatment of addictive behaviors. Designed as a relapse prevention method, the purpose of urge surfing is to help clients cope with craving or urges that otherwise might trigger a setback or lapse. Ask the client to first self-monitor any urges, cravings, or strong desires to engage in the target behavior (e.g., to ingest a substance or to engage in a high-risk sexual behavior). Encourage clients to identify the specific form that the urge takes when it occurs. Urges often take the form of a verbal intent or command, such as "I must smoke or I will go nuts" or "Just this once won't hurt me" or "Damn it! I OWE myself a drink after this!" Such verbal statements may or may not be accompanied by strong physical sensations or desire cravings. Such urge reactions often appear to take the form of classically conditioned responses, usually triggered by a cue or situation associated with the target behavior (e.g., a recent ex-smoker sees an open pack of cigarettes lying on the table). Contextual and environmental factors such as the client's mood and social environment may also elicit strong urges to indulge. 

This method first arose in the course of working with a client who was trying to give up smoking. After he had quit for a week, he reported constant urges to smoke that felt like a growing ball of discomfort that was increasing in intensity to the point that he felt that he would "go crazy" unless he gave in. Recalling a prior account of his reputation as a surfer during his youth, the therapist asked, "What if you could see the craving in the form of a cresting wave instead of a growing ball?" We then discussed his experience as a budding surfer. He described how he learned to keep his balance as the ocean wave swelled up beneath his surfboard and he rode the wave as it finally crested and diminished in size. He learned to keep his balance without being "wiped out" by the wave. He agreed to transfer this surfing metaphor to his meditation practice. As soon as he experienced any indication of a rising urge in his thoughts or feelings, he would direct his full attention to this growing wave while keeping his balance until the wave gradually crested and subsided. Because many urges in fact take the form of conditioned responses elicited by trigger events, their duration and intensity do not necessarily last unless they are reinforced by engaging in a consummatory response (smoking or drinking). The client reported using this meditative urge surfing technique as an effective means of coping with cravings to smoke.

Refugee and immigrant-themed movies

Tonight I watched All Saints again, and started to tear up because it reminded me of the Ukrainian refugees I've been teaching English to all day. On further reflection, I realized that there are at least three movies I've watched with similar themes on the Asian American experience.

Gran Torino (2008) - Hmong refugees from Laos in Highland Park, Michigan

All Saints (2017) - Karen refugees from Burma in Smyrna, Tennessee

Minari (2020) - South Korean immigrants in rural Arkansas

Common themes and characters

- a cranky white American veteran of the Korean or Vietnam war slowly becomes friends with the immigrants (all three films)

- immigrants growing vegetables to sell at Asian markets and restaurants (All Saints and Minari)

- trying to grow and water crops and suffering setbacks and disasters (All Saints and Minari)

- immigrants awkwardly being welcomed into a church sparsely populated by older white people (All Saints and Minari)

- an immigrant couple's marriage being strained by long work hours (All Saints and Minari)

- teenage immigrant boys getting in trouble with the law (Gran Torino and All Saints)

- immigrants working in chicken plants (All Saints and Minari)

- immigrant families winning over cranky Americans with politeness, food gifts, and hospitality (Gran Torino and All Saints)

Rawang music video released

 Today I was credited as the translator of a song from Rawang into English on music video subtitles for the second time. Congratulations to singer-songwriter Zamishar TK on your auspicious release, honoring your homeland!

Latest music video:

Rvwàng Móng (Rawang land) by Zamishar TK featuring Pe John Mvbøq, released 22 February 2024

https://www.facebook.com/100063573785290/videos/1208606070102483/

The first music video I translated lyrics for:

Té vtvng we shóngnøt mvshǿl (The greatest love story) by A Shep, released 19 December 2020

https://fb.watch/qnYKM-Asg5/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

Tracing a line to the desert

On July 1 of last year, my mom's old friend Aletha Knopp invited me to a lecture on a Christian view of sexuality and gender by Matt Zrust. I arrived late, just as the Q&A was beginning, in which Matt mentioned the book Paul and the Person by Susan Grove Eastman. I bought the book, and found that Eastman cites The Mind of the Spirit by Craig Keener. I bought that book too. Keener cites Emotion and Peace of Mind by Richard Sorabji. (You know what I did then.) I jumped from book to footnote to book to footnote like a frog on a flyscraping mission. 

Meanwhile, by someone on the internet, I was advised to check out Jared Moore's writings on concupiscence as related to the Celibate Gay Christian movement. I skimmed through Moore's dissertation and his book The Lust of the Flesh, enjoyed some of his online articles, listened to some of his podcast interviews and those of his friends Jeff Wright and Ben Woodring (Backwoods Belief), and for a couple months I became constantly angry following his Twitter feed before finally swearing off Twitter altogether.

Moore was bashing Sam Allberry, Preston Sprinkle, and anyone else who takes a gentler approach to the issue mentioned above, and teamed up with Rosaria Butterfield (I thought she was a friend in her former books), who had her own harsh words to say about Sprinkle. 

Moore's dissertation camped on Augustine's use of the idea of concupiscence against Pelagius and Julian of Eclanum, attempting to prove that any latent tendency toward sin, such as same-sex attraction, should be considered morally culpable sin, even if not mentally surrendered to or acted on. From there Moore traced Augustine's influence on the Reformers and their heirs. Not liking his conclusion or his harshness, I purposed to find something before Augustine to hang my hat on. After all, at the end of his dissertation (p.238), Moore recommends that future researchers investigate what Jerome and other church fathers had to say on the topic. 

In a debate with James White, Greg Coles mentioned the possibility of a pre-lust condition that could be morally blameless. I researched this idea and found the Greek concept of propatheia (pre-passion), which originated with Seneca and other Stoics, and then was carried forward by the Christian thinker Origen and his followers, such as Didymus the Blind, Evagrius of Pontus, and even Jerome. 

Sorabji chides Augustine for mangling the concept, but Peter Brown in an article reviewing Sorabji's book says that Sorabji missed a parallel concept that was core to moral philosophy in Judaism and early Christianity, namely single-mindedness (or single-souledness), as opposed to double-mindedness or double-souledness (dipsychia), similar to the Stoic idea of apatheia, but rebranded by John Cassian in biblical language as purity of heart (which, as Kierkegaard tells us, is "to will one thing"). Brown goes on to say that John Cassian's Conferences were always read alongside Augustine's writings in medieval monastic circles to temper their extremes. 

Also while reeling from Moore's Twitter onslaughts, I took refuge in Matthew Lee Anderson's lengthy blog defenses of Side B and the Revoice conference (1, 2, 3, 4), as well that of Philip Cary. This led me to Anderson's Substack, which led me to Myles Werntz's Substack -- both Anderson and Werntz are Christian ethicists -- and in one of Werntz's blog posts, he says he's reading John Cassian's Conferences, and that just sealed the deal for me. (The story Werntz cited is a beautiful analogy attributed to Abba Moses, where our thoughts are an ever-flowing river, our minds are a grist mill on that river, and the grain to grind if we so choose is the Scripture passages we put into our minds.)

So now I'm halfway through Peter Brown's Augustine of Hippo, on a vow not to buy any more books until this one is complete, and with the intention to read John Cassian as soon as I finish. 

It seems all roads lead to the desert (the desert fathers and mothers, that is, of the early monastic movement whom Evagrius led and John Cassian interviewed in the late 300s). Thank you, Mrs. Knopp, Matt Zrust, and everyone else on this merry chain, even dear Jared Moore. I started to realize that his Twitter vituperance was an evil mask for a kinder soul when I watched his New Year sermon, where he encouraged the singles in his Crossville, Tennessee congregation to glorify God in their singleness (43:36-46:14), rather than implying, as he did to the poor singles on Twitter, that "therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife" (Genesis 2:24) is not just an explanation but a command for everyone who possibly can get married to a permissible person, to get married unless they have a biblical reason not to, via a special gift of singleness. Now I know better, and I value you, my friends in real life, even more for your patience in our conversations over tea and over the phone as I learn these things with you through this hard experiment called life. 

*I wrote about this search a few months ago in a post about metaphors in recovery, but after some maturing of my thought and some encouraging back and forth with Laurie Krieg and Marshall Kramer, I decided to trace the lines again as far as they've been drawn up to "today tonight", as they say in Rawang.